My husband and I celebrated our Tenth wedding anniversary last week. We were just 21 when we got married and as I look back I still can’t believe our parents let us get married being so young, but then again I guess we were as ready as any couple or so I thought. Over the past 10 years I’ve learned way more lessons than I thought I needed to learn when I first said I do.
Like any young couple, or old one for that matter, you never dream you will be “that couple” who struggles with anything in your relationship. Certainly problems will just pass your relationship by because you are so “in love” and he or she is “The One.” Well, I certainly was and still am “in love” and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I married “the one,” yet marriage has given me a gift I didn’t even register for. The gift of a perfect classroom for a lifetime worth of lessons. Some of you reading this have been married much longer than I have and I SO welcome your advice, but for those of you who have been married less than 10 years, here’s what I have learned and hopefully it will help you in your own marriage.
Lesson 1 – YOU are not as perfect as YOU think YOU are.
In any relationship when their is a struggle we naturally think it’s because of them, certainly we are not the problem. I’ve learned however that it takes a lot of pride to think you have it all together and your spouse doesn’t. Proverbs 16:18 says “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” So watch out for pride puffing you up to think you are better than your spouse, you just might fall into your own pit if your not careful.
Lesson 2- Have good customer relations.
You know you always like to shop at a store where they have good customer relations. Where you can go up to the customer service counter, return your item or state your complaint and they tell you “no problem. I’ll look into it and see what I can do. I appreciate your business and thanks for shopping with us.” In marriage you need to have good customer relations skills when your spouse comes to you with a complaint about you. Try taking what they have to say into consideration and not chew them out immediately for pointing out a problem. You wouldn’t ever go back to shopping at a place that spoke nasty to you when you had a problem, and your not going to get what you want in your marriage by talking nasty to your spouse when they have a problem with you. Remember “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1
Lesson 3 – Admit you were wrong.
My husband will tell you this is a hard one for me. Unfortunately I think I’m right most of the time and if he would just listen to me then things would be fine….or so I think. It never works out well when your wrong and you don’t admit it, so just say “I’m sorry, I was wrong, please forgive me.” I’m still learning this one, so I understand if this one’s difficult for you too:) You can do it though!
Lesson 4 – Be Joyful
There is nothing worse than hanging out with a bitter woman or man for that matter. Trust me, I know. It takes one to know one and I can be the worst if I don’t choose to be joyful. Like Sunday morning when nothing was wrong other than I just felt like being in a bad mood. I told my husband I don’t know what my problem is I don’t even like myself, but then the Holy Spirit has gently reminded me all day that I can still choose to be joyful as easily as I can choose to be bitter. So Be Joyful, it’s the cheapest beauty treatment on the market!
Lesson 5- Forgive, Again and Again
This is a hard one, but another one that is a choice. Remember forgiveness is not saying what they did is OK, it’s saying your not going to allow that choice to hurt you any longer. I once heard it this way, Unforgiveness is like drinking a poison expecting the other person to die from it. So choose to forgive.
Lesson 6 – PRAY
If you don’t know how to pray, pick up a copy of “The Power of a Praying Wife” or the “The Power of a Praying husband” by Stormie Omartian. Any of her “Power of the praying_____” books are FABULOUS and have had a HUGE impact on my marriage. So PRAY PRAY PRAY and when your done and find yourself in another fuss PRAY again.
Lesson 7 – Read
There are so many great resources out there and people who have struggled with what you are going through, so pick out a book where the title speaks to you and dive in. Also look for books that you could read to each other. We’ve done this a time or two and it’s sparked some great conversations.
Lesson 8 – Love
Substitute your name for the word Love in this verse and then you know you will be doing it right.
4Love (Paige) is patient, love (Paige) is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love (Paige) does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13
Lesson 9 – Have Married Friends
Collect yourself some good married friends. This has been essential to our relationship. Find a good church or social circle to involve yourself with and meet some friends who are married that you can hang out with. Also remember to be a friend first, reach out to others and don’t just wait around for someone to reach out to you. Some of our best memories and our biggest problems have been solved by the help of great friends.
Lesson 10 – Commitment
The friend that married us said at our wedding, “You will never turn your tassel in marriage, like you do when you graduate from school.” Meaning you will never be finished learning and growing in your relationship. When your love tank is empty and you don’t “feel” like loving anymore, remember that you made a commitment. Marriage is a wonderful gift God gives to couples and if you follow His rules, it has many blessings.
This certainly is not an exhausted list of the lessons I’ve learned in marriage, but I do pray it helps a little for your own situation. Thanks for taking the time to read it to the end.
Happy Anniversary to my Wonderful husband Clay. Thanks for not giving up on me and loving me more than I ever deserved. I love you!
Sincerely,
Paige
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Happy Anniversary sweet friend! I’m so proud of you, not only for learning these lessons, but for seeing them for what they are: stepping stones that provide firm footing in the often turbulent, sometimes tranquil river of life.
Love you,
Melinda
Thanks Melinda. It sure has been a river that we’ve traveled down, sometimes calm and sometimes full of rapids. Either way it’s been an adventure.
Well said Paige! Happy Anniversary to you both!!
Happy Anniversary!!!
Happy Anniversary Paige. You two look way too young to be married for that long. I know that we never became close, but I want you to know that I think of you and what an inspiration you are. It’s kind of funny that I never really take the time to read much of what other people post, but what you have to say seems to jump out at me. I love to read about what is going on with you and the fact that you speak so honestly. Thanks again for the great post.
Thanks Nicolle,
I’m honored you take time to read my thoughts and leave a comment. I never know if the words on the blog mean anything to anyone but me, so it’s very nice to hear your thoughts on my blog. Thank you so much for stopping by and feel free to visit my corner of the web anytime! Sincerely, Paige
Happy Anniversary Paige! May you have many more wonderful adventures together. And yes! Please know I greatly benefit from your blogs as I am sure many others as well
) God bless!